CATSPEAK - JUST FOR FUN
Disclaimer - Cats Protection can take no responsibility for the authenticity of the following, regional dialects may differ as indeed may RP in pedigrees!
: I am waiting for my food.
Maaa mawrow bra
: Open this door.
Mow RRaow row
: I am lonely.
Mow aow row mew
: I am cold.
Maaa mow ruh rowb
!: Get off my tail!
– Feed me.
– Pet me.
– I love you.
– I am in love and must meet my betrothed outside beneath the hedge. Don’t wait up.
– I feel like making noise.
– Please, the time is come to tidy the cat box.
– I have remedied the cat box untidiness by shoveling the contents as far out of the box as was practical.
– Play with me.
– Have you noticed the shortage of available cat toys in this room?
– I believe I have heard a burglar. If you would like to go and beat him senseless, I shall be happy to keep your spot in the bed warm.
– Since I can find nothing better to play with, I shall see what happens when I sharpen my claws on this handy piece of furniture.
– I think I shall now spend time licking the most private parts of my anatomy.
– I am now recalling, with sorrow, that some of my private parts did not return with me from that visit to the vet.
– I am so glad to see that you have returned home with both arms full of groceries. I will now rub myself against your legs and attempt to trip you as you walk towards the kitchen.
– My digestive passages seem to have formed a hairball.Wherever could this have come from? I shall leave it here upon the carpeting.
– Snuggling is a good idea.
– Shedding is pretty good, too.
– I was enjoying snuggling and shedding in the warm clean laundry until you removed me so unkindly.
– I have forced my body into a tiny space in order to look cute. How’m I doin?
– I have discovered that, although one may be able to wedge his body through the gap behind the stove and into that little drawer filled with pots and pans, the reverse path is slightly more difficult to navigate.
– Oh, small bird! Please come over here.
! – I believe that I have found a woodchuck or similar small animal. I shall now act terribly brave.
– It is certain that the best tasting fish is one you have caught yourself.
– If I sit in the sunshine for another hour or so, I think I shall be satisfied.
– Please ask room service to send up another can of tunafish.
– Do you serve catnip with that?
– Since you are using the can opener, I am certain that you understand the value of a well-fed and pampered cat. Please continue.